Miso Soup for Dinner
by Grilled Cheesby
Summary: Sasuke, because he's a show off, uses his Amenotejikara to teleport, unabashedly switching places with Obito because he is also petty at the best of times. KakaSasu Time Travel Crack, Canon Divergence AU


**Summary:** _Sasuke, because he's a show off, uses his Amenotejikara to teleport, unabashedly switching places with Obito because he is also petty at the best of times. KakaSasu Time Travel Crack, Canon Divergence AU_

**this is literally just time travel crack. nothing important happens. sasuke trolls some people and then embarrasses baby kakashi because he fucking can. au in that sasuke stayed in the village after his fight with naruto, agreed to be kakashi's assistant, and then started to bone the man just to be a shit.**

**i have no regrets. zero.**

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**Miso Soup for Dinner**

When Sasuke first lays eyes on the younger version of Kakashi, there's a voice in his head, that sounds _suspiciously_ like Sakura, that goes, _"Aww! Look how cute he is!"_ And then there are several kunai being thrown his way and the voice changes from Sakura's cooing to Naruto's startled yelp and Sasuke dodges nimbly as he reminds himself that he needs to spend slightly less time with his team. Before he goes insane.

He jumps to avoid the projectiles and rests his feet on a sturdy tree branch, peering down at the three man squad that lays in wait before him. A tiny Kakashi is already readying himself, shuriken in-between his fingers as he pulls his arms back to launch them towards Sasuke. Sasuke, because he's a show off, uses his _Amenotejikara _to teleport, unabashedly switching places with Obito because he is also petty at the best of times. The Uchiha yelps, just barely dodging the barrage of weapons that were meant for Sasuke, ducking behind the tree trunk to avoid being hit.

Sasuke jumps back, flipping in the air to avoid Kakashi's swipe and Rin's jab, landing in a crouch. Amused, Sasuke smirks slightly at Kakashi's disgruntled expression. He was so short, Sasuke couldn't help but notice, taking in the silver haired child. He looked far too serious, something that was odd to see when one considered Sasuke mainly saw Kakashi reading porn and putting off his Hokage duties by more and more ridiculous and elaborate means. This little soldier Kakashi was a novelty, really.

"Sorry about this," Sasuke says, not sorry at all, as he sprints forward, watching the three man team, now with Obito standing in between Kakashi and Rin, settle their stances in preparation for a clash. Without a single second of hesitation, Sasuke stops abruptly only a meter away, startling the three younger shinobi long enough that Sasuke sets off an under-powered _Chidori Nagashi_ right in their faces. Their muscles lock up immediately, their bodies growing rigid as they fall together in a heap, spasming violently on the ground. The shock should've been low enough that no permanent damage should befall them, but he needed it strong enough to guarantee that the three of them would be immobilized for at least a minute. Sasuke generously ignores their twitching, crouching down to lean over a twitching Kakashi. Baby Kakashi has a powerful hate filled glare going on, but Sasuke easily ignores the look to absentmindedly search through the boy's kunai pouches.

"I really am sorry about that," Sasuke says offhandedly, clearing the first pack as purely full of shuriken, before he moves onto the next, still searching. "Didn't want to have to down you guys like that. Dangerous times you're living in, with the war and all, so it's not a good idea to get paralyzed, huh?"

A gurgly growl comes out of Obito's mouth, a chatter of teeth as the boy tries to say something. Sasuke looks over at him, curious, and he can see the confusion and outrage painted clearly across the loudmouth's face.

"Yes, I'm an Uchiha," Sasuke says, easily understanding Obito's gibberish. He'd started paralyzing Kakashi whenever the man tried to leave all his paperwork with Sasuke. He's started to pick up the nonsense that come out of his victim's mouths when unable to move. Sasuke might have opted to stay in the village and be the man's assistant, but he point blank refused to do the man's paperwork. If he truly didn't want to be the Hokage that badly, then he should've just let Naruto flounder in the post like Sasuke had recommended. But no, there was rules and regulations. Pah. Like Naruto ever followed the rules anyway.

Foolish Kakashi.

"Ah! There you are," Sasuke hums, pulling out the custom made Hiraishin kunai that the eventual Yondaime Hokage had given his team in the case of an emergency. Twirling it quickly, Sasuke stood up, taking a step back and deftly throwing the kunai so it lands right next to Obito's face, the young Uchiha hissing in response, his eyes wide with terror. "Oops," Sasuke apologizes insincerely, swiftly taking a few more steps back as the paralyzing effect continues to ware off of the three in front of him.

Feeling amusement at the situation, Sasuke gives his most false smile, doing his best to channel Sai, as he states, "And now we wait for your illustrious leader."

It doesn't take long for Namikaze Minato to come running to his students' aid, appearing in a flash as he just manages to not step on Obito's face.

"You guys-!" Minato shouts, worry in his voice as he clocks onto his downed students. He isn't distracted for long, his gaze zeroing in on Sasuke's form. It's all Sasuke needs. With a flick of his hair Sasuke stared at the man with both eyes, activating his Rinnegan and pulling the man towards him with a Banshō Ten'in. Caught off kilter by both the jutsu and the enemy being an Uchiha, Minato comes flying towards Sasuke. Sasuke activates his Mangekyou Sharingan, pulling the man into an altered _Tsukuyomi._

"Who are you?" Minato immediately asks, glaring down at Sasuke from his prone position.

"Uchiha Sasuke," Sasuke answers dutifully. "I came here to show you something, Namikaze-san."

"What the hell did you do to my students!?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, not surprised, before he simply takes a seat on the ground, crossing his legs and setting his single elbow on his right knee in order to rest his chin on his open palm. "This might take a while," Sasuke admits, ignoring Minato's shouting. "Please save any questions for after the show. Talking during the show is considered rude, and we kindly ask you stay silent throughout. Enjoy the show." Sasuke, with that, lets his memories invade the landscape, showing off the horrid image of the Jūbi as it bats Naruto into a mountain.

With a yawn, Sasuke preoccupies himself with wondering what to cook for dinner. He supposes he could make miso soup for Kakashi. Sasuke hasn't even had to paralyze him for three whole days, a new record. Yes, the man clearly deserved a reward.

* * *

"A fourth shinobi war," Minato mutters, his face white with terror as they are abruptly brought out of Sasuke's genjutsu.

"Yep," Sasuke nods.

"Kushina dead," Minato mutters again, his hands coming up to pull at the hair on his head. "Madara alive, _a fucking moon goddess trying to enslave humanity by using an eyeball in the sky._"

"Pretty much sums it up," Sasuke confirms, idly checking out his nails. He needed to cut them soon, they were getting far too long to be practical.

"My son a pariah then a hero, little Kakashi so lost, _Obito a psychopath_," Minato continues, groaning loudly.

"Obito a what now?" the named boy asks with a grown, slowly sitting up as his teammates did the same. They are still weary of Sasuke, but Minato doesn't seem to be inclined to attack him, so they're carefully following their sensei's lead.

"How, how to avoid it all?" Minato finally asks, desperate for any answers Sasuke can give him.

Sasuke, because he's always helpful, shoots finger guns in Minato's directions and half sings, "Weed killer."

"Weed killer!" Minato shouts like it's an epiphany, awe in his voice.

"Weed killer," Sasuke nods, glad to see Minato gets it.

"Weed killer?" Obito asks, _clearly_ _not getting it._

""W-Weed killer?" Rin reiterates, _clearly_ _confused just like her teammate._

Kakashi just groans from the ground, _clearly showing why he is Sasuke's favorite._

"Lots of it," Sasuke stresses, feeling a tug on the seal inked across his chest. "Like, a boatload. No! I village full of the stuff. Several villages full of it. Just, as much as you can produce, and then triple that shit."

"Triple it," Minato nods, a calculating look in his eyes. "Quadruple it?" he asks himself, already lost in thought.

Another tug from the seal makes Sasuke grin over at the confused team 7, all three of them still sprawled across the ground.

"You were gone too soon," Sasuke tells Rin, waving goodbye and ignoring her scared expression.

"You deserved that," Sasuke tells a bewildered Obito, taking the time to flip the teen off.

"I'll see you at dinner. I'm making miso soup," Sasuke informs Kakashi with a smile, delighted at the mortified blush the kid gives in return.

_Time travel is fucking awesome,_ he thought, smirking as the seal pulled him away and back to his own reality._ I should do this again some time._

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**this came about because i finally updated jikan and i felt like i was in a kaksasu mood, but jikan isnt anywhere near that point, so i just wrote crack.**


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